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Once I read a book
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And this is what it said
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If your music has a beat
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Then you're gonna wind up dead
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It doesn't really matter if it's Christian or not
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If it's syncopated rhythm then your soul is gonna rot
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And this book was called "Ha! Your Gonna Burn"
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And in the second chapter I went on to learn
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Take two houseplants
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And put them to the test
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Set them both in front of speakers
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And let the music do the rest
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The first one you play Mozart
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Or something lovely like that
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The second one you play that Petra Or that MegaDeth.
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Doesn't really matter what kind of rock it is.
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So I took my two houseplants
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And I put them to the test
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Set them both in front of speakers
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To let the music do the rest
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I powered up my Pioneers
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To let the music roar
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But twenty minutes later
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Someone's knocking at my door
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I opened up my door
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And there my neighbor stood
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He said, "Man I'd like to get some sleep
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If you think I could"
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I said, "Man, can't you see here
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I've got this moral dilemma that I got to get clear."
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He said, "What kind of moral dilemma
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Could you have at this time of night
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That could make me so angry
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That I just want to fight!?"
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So I pointed to the page in that open book
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That had a picture of a potted plant
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And I said, "Go have a look."
And he read
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Take two houseplants
A E
And put them to the test
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Set them both in front of speakers
A E
And let the music do the rest
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The first one you play Mozart
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Or something lovely like that
E G A E
The second one you play that Petra Or that MegaDeth.
Doesn't really matter what kind of rock it is.
LONE RANGER
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First of all he said,
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"That's Vagner that you're playing
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I've never heard of Petra
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And isn't MegaDeth all dead."
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And secondly, emphatically, He asked me,
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"What's the sense of hanging out with houseplants when, hey,
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I live right across the fence."
(mute)
And I thought to myself
You know, that's a good point
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So I took my two houseplants, and
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I put them both back outside
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And me and my neighbor
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Well, we went out for a drive
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We talked about all the things
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That really matter most
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Like life and love and happiness
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And then the Holy Ghost
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And now my two houseplants
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They sit out in the sun
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But as for my neighbor
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Well our friendship has become
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A meaningful relationship
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That's headed straight to heaven
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But as for now
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We like to sit around and listen to Audio Adrenaline
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Cranked to eleven!
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