[Intro]
( )
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston, looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here d love to be you, Gaston! Even when taking your lumps
There s no man in town as admired as you, you re everyone s favorite guy
Everyone s awed and inspired by you, and it s not very hard to see why
( )
No one s slick as Gaston, No one s quick as Gaston
No one s neck s as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there s no man in town half as manly perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they ll tell you whose team they d prefer to be on
( )
Who plays darts like Gaston?, Who breaks hearts like Gaston?
Who s much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?
As a specimen, yes, I m intimidating!
My, what a guy, that Gaston!
( )
I needed encouragement, thank you, LeFou
Well, there s no one as easy to bolster as you! Too much? ...Yep
( )
No one fights like Gaston, douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston
When I hunt, I sneak up with my quiver and beasts of the field say a prayer
First, I carefully aim for the liver, then I shoot from behind
Is that fair? I don t care
( )
No one hits like Gaston, Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston
I m especially good at expectorating! (Spits) Ten points for Gaston!
[Ponte]
When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large
And now that I m grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So I m roughly the size of a bar?ge!
( )
Who has brains like Gaston? Entertains like Gaston?
Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston?
I use antlers in all of my decorating
Say it again
Who s a man among men?
Who s the super success? Don t you know? Can t you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There s just one guy in town, who s got all of it down
And his name s G-A-S...T...I believe there s another T
It just occurred to me that I m illiterate
And I ve never actually had to spell it out loud before
Gaston!