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I come from an outback town where in nothin grows
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No wheat no sheep so we cant even host an annual show
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But we got somethin special there that sets our town apart
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Coz each year in a shed we hold the festival of farts
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Theres displays and competitions And entries from afar
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And those that cant get into town just send in little jars
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And old fat sarge the local cop with clipboard and a pen
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Unscrews the lid and takes a whiff then scores em 1 to 10
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He ll give you 2 points for Aroma
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2 for the bouquet
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2 for fermentation
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And 2 more for decay
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And two for presentation of the fancy little jars
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And a medal for the best fart at the festival of farts
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And you should see the mob this year That cramed into the shed
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Hear the big guns blazing In the farting talent QUest
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With old sarge on a megaphone as he reads the riot act
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Now settle down you bastards, can you hear me at the back
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Now we ll give em all a go alright, and butt them cigarettes
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And any of you s play up tonight, i ll bust ur in head
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And he unfolds his directors chair And squats on his fat arse
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To adjudicate the entries in the festival of farts
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He ll give you 2 points for Aroma
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2 for the bouquet
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2 for fermentation
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And 2 more for decay
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And two for presentation, style and grace and class
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And a medal for the best fart at the festival of farts
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Then the crowd roars its approval As the first bloke lets one go
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in thunder from down under To open up the show
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Then a double burblin gurgler With a chilli afterburn
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Then a downdraft knacker clanger Shit that must have in hurt
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And the silence single singer That took us by surprise
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And a notchous nostril burner That brung tears to our eyes
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And old sarge the cranky bastard Sat there adding up the marks
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As popular as embroids at the festival of farts
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coz he ll get 2 points for Aroma
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2 for the bouquet
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2 for fermentation
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And 2 more for decay
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And two for presentation, style and grace and class
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And a medal for the best fart at the festival of farts
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But the highlight of the show this year Was two kids with a goat
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That they d fed on rocks and rotten eggs And dragged in on a rope
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And as one young fella grabbed his horns to line old billy up
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His mate just warned the ground the goats arse and kicked him in the
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guts
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And that old goat fired a in beauty Like a shotgun goin off
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And fired a lethal load of gravel shrapnel Scared shit out of the mob
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And as they all dived for cover and hit the deck in fear
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Old sarge just kept on markin buck shot whizzin past his ears
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He d give em 2 points for Aroma
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2 for the bouquet
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2 for fermentation
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And 2 more for decay
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And all in all that bloated goat had probably scored a ten
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Except his fartin shit and shot old in sarge arse over head
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Then with all of the confusion And no keepin score
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And old sarge in screamin They just pissed off out the door
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And even when the dust had settled No-one seemed to care
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that they d ed off with the medal Coz they d won it fair and square
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That goat got 2 points for Aroma
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2 for the bouquet
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2 for fermentation
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And 2 more for decay
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And three big cheers from all of us For pay back on old sarge
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and a medal for the best fart at the festival of farts
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That goat got 2 points for Aroma
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2 for the bouquet
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2 for fermentation
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And 2 more for decay
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And three big cheers from all of us For wingin poor old sarge
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and a medal for the best fart at the festival of farts